Not the CLiff Richard Christmas Single
Lyrics by Beau Bo d'OrThe mp3 of this song can be downloaded HERE.
I'm sure it's late December The snow's not on the ground The temperature is 80 plus 'Cos Global Warming's all around Christmas must be here, because The January sales are starting The shops are filled with brussels sprouts And you can hear the nation farting I am not a bachelor boy My first name is not Cliff Like Pete and Kate I don't like snow Unless it's the stuff you sniff Footballers roasting by an open fire Can you hear the bells a-jingle My surname is not Richard And this is not my Christmas single There's no more Eric Morecambe There's no more Ernie Wise Two Ronnies have become just one How long til One Ron dies (Just you Ron Ron Ron; just you Ron Ron) The festive season starts these days With bonfire night's disasters And fireworks flying down the street My town's now twinned with Basra I am not a bachelor boy I've a son who's drunk and moody All he wants for Christmas Is an ASBO and a hoodie I plan to binge drink for Christmas Now the nights are cold and darker My name is not Cliff Richard And I've never shagged Sue Barker I don't know Tony or Cherie There is no holiday villa This Christmas I'll be watching porn And having wet dreams about Cilla You know that Boxing Day is here When Jamie Oliver begs Us all to run down town to Sainsburys And buy their Easter eggs I am not a bachelor boy My first name is not Cliff Like Pete and Kate I don't like snow Unless it's the stuff you sniff Footballers roasting by an open fire Can you hear the bells a-jingle My surname is not Richard And this is not my Christmas single